Don't you bring me down today. And when I see you my breath catches.
Trying hard to fill the emptiness. Words just bring me down. I'm so tired of being here. Supressed by all my childish fears. I've been alone all along.
I'm lying here on the floor, where they left me. I think I took too much. I'm crying here, what have you done? Just thought it would be fun? I can't stay on this life support, there's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine cause it's making me itch. I tired to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch. I think I'll get out of here. Well I could run, as fast as I can, to the middle of no where.
I swear, you're just like a pill. Instead of making me better, you keep making me ill. You keep making me ill.
I'm becoming ill again. And there's nothing anything can do to stop it. And all this time I thought I was doing so good, with a slight relapse in April, I hadn't been ill in years. But it's back, and it's all been locked up on the inside for so long.
I always bought those razors that were safe. The ones with the little metal wires running vertical on the blades so you can cut yourself with them. I jacked one of my roommate normal razors. The process is starting. One more check in, to see the face of the person I can't stand the most, and it'll set me off. I'll come back here and I'll be set off. And that will be the end of it. Or will it? How long will I continue to do this? Until I feel better. Until I feel better.
I don't hate you. I don't hate you, no. But tell me now, if it's not love, how do we get out? Cause I don't know....I'm so lost. I don't expect anyone to save me, I can save myself. I just don't want to right now. Everyone needs to crash and burn everyone once in awhile.
Way to make me feel like shit. Like I'm not feeling low enough already you ass. Go fuck yourself, if you can't handle your good deed of the day, then don't even fucking bother you worthless cunt.
Fuck this shit. What the hell is up with all this teen angst I feel I still have? I thought I'd grow out of it. I want to grow up. I don't know how. I'm trying, I really am. I thought I was doing so good. And then this happened. I was stabbed in the back and someone I looked to as a....father? no. But a leader, almost master. Someone I'd crawl to hell and back for. They left me to burn. When they could of done something, they couldn't take a minute to hear what I had to say, to listen to the truth of what really happened. They never gave me a chance. They released the merciless pitbulls of self-destruction and said "see ya later" then watched as my life and career spiraled downward. And didn't care how it made me feel. How did it make me feel? Like I just failed. At life. Like there's nothing to live for anymore. Everything I've done up to this point in my life, was for my brother. And how I tried so hard and got so far to be just like him. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. There's nothing I can do. I can't turn back time, or change minds. I can't burn papers or repair broken trust.
There's nothing left for you here, so why don't you just disappear?
Like they'd care anyway. There all too wrapped up in being hardcore and badass that they probably wouldn't be affected by the death of others. As if only there life was what life was and all other's were nothing but objects, and it didn't matter when they disappeared. Never to be seen again, heard, listened to.
No one ever listened to me. No one ever asked me how I felt or what this life meant to me.
Well, I guess they're going to find out the hard way soon enough. | 
